pursuance

not so long ago happiness was having you as the last thing on my mind, and going to sleep knowing i was the last thing on your mind, too.

it has been a long and tearful struggle, both internally and with God. i am rethinking my priorities, my allegiances, and my idea of ‘happiness’. a wise person once said it is not a thing to be pursued and grasped. much like a lovely, elusive butterfly. the danger is that it can become a frustrating wild-goose chase. the danger, for me, was that for so long i was not able to give up my claim to my right to myself- my right to my own self-centred idea of happiness.

and as for you. you were the happiness that came to me, but never was mine to keep.

~ by may on November 11, 2008.