Far from the madding crowds?

How quiet the house is! Coming through the main door this afternoon after returning from a spot of Christmas shopping alone, it felt as though it was 3 in the morning rather than 3 in the afternoon. Although, to be fair, the house is probably more lively during the wee hours of the morning when Lance and Yew Vern start gaming (and I am asleep). Alan and Melissa are still in Morocco – I’m so jealous they get to see camels! Just about everyone is travelling this winter, I can’t help but feel slightly resentful of my research project which didn’t allow me to join them in Morocco.

If and when I get round my aforementioned problem of erratic swaying between wanting to be alone and wanting to be surrounded by company, I’ll probably check out some jazz clubs in town. Do some spring-cleaning. More shopping. Give my books a little more lovin’ – oh yes, that Margaret Atwood book has been lying around collecting dust for nearly 2 months now.

I hope it has everything to do with my research project workload and job applications that I’m not “feeling” Christmas so much this year. And that it isn’t the beginning of a lurking cynicism in me. While walking down a crowded High Street Kensington today, I caught myself silently grumbling in my heart that Christmas has become a curse (and I mean the commercialised version of Christmas that the mass media sells) more than a blessing, and we’ve all unwittingly become victims. Stressing over getting addresses of this relative and that to send cards to. Joining with the mad throng of last-minute shoppers stripping the Sainsbury’s shelves of every last turkey, chicken, duck and pork leg. Trying to do all your Christmas gift shopping in one day without tearing your hairs out or getting trampled on in stores, and rushing to the post office to get it all mailed off, only to be told that it will only reach in the new year… Everywhere it screams at you “Spend, spend, spend!”. I’m suddenly beginning to wonder why it never used to bother me! And it scares me. I remember telling Eng last year that Christmas never fails to make me feel like an eight-year-old all over again. This year it seems to only serve to rub in the fact that I am getting old!

~ by may on December 15, 2007.